PODCAST: Why ritual is so important to us and how to bring it back into our lives

I am so excited for you to listen into today’s podcast, because this week I got to interview the wonderful Tiu de Haan - a celebrant, writer and full-time inspiration when it comes to weaving ritual simply, but powerfully, into your life.

We first came across Tiu a few months back when we watched her TED Talk ‘Why ritual is still important’. I was so inspired and moved by what she was saying that I tracked her down and sent her an email saying ‘you’re amazing, can I interview you for Project Love pleeeeease?!’ and a few weeks later we were sitting in her flat in north London getting deep into conversation.

We talked about everything from why ritual is so important to us as humans, to what it was like marrying a woman to herself, how we can create simple rituals for ourselves in our own lives and the difference it can make when we do that…

I loved every minute of it and found that the more you hear Tiu talking about ritual and the power of it, the more you realise how important it is for all of us to get ritual back into our lives.

So download it here and as you walk to work, cook your dinner or get ready for bed, hit play, have a listen in and then come back here and let us know what you thought.

x Selina

P.S. For more Tiu wisdom and love, check out her TED Talk 'Why we still need ritual', her posts on ritual for Huff Post (she is a wonderful writer with a book on its way) and of course her website.

You don’t complete me. I complete me.

We have a guest blogger for you this week in the form of the wonderful and inspiring Laina! This post was first written to us as an email and Laina didn't want it to be public at first but in practicing opening up and being vulnerable, she knew she had a powerful message to share with you. From one single woman to another...

After 12 months of investing time, money and energy into dating, I was still single and feeling rejected, unattractive and pessimistic about love.  I didn’t want to be feeling like this, and I knew it was time to get ready for love.

Having just turned 30, I was listening to all the ‘noise’ around me which was leading to a path of self-destruction. ‘Noise’ is what I refer to as those comments and questions that make you feel like you’re missing out on something ‘Why are you still single? You’re being too picky; if you want kids aren’t you worried about your age, it must be so difficult being single at your age’  It’s not helpful, it’s noise, and I needed to turn down the volume.

With my very settled friends living vicariously through my dating life, I would often make my dating disasters and my ‘single misfortune' the centre of conversations and the butt of all jokes.  At least I could laugh it off, I thought.  Secretly however, I knew I was in a dangerous mindset; I was starting to question myself, question what was wrong with me, and I'd get insanely jealous and resentful of all my friends who were in relationships.  It was like they had a layer of happiness that I just would never experience for as long as I was single.  I had got it into my head that a relationship would complete me.  We’ve all seen the Jerry Maguire film - 'You complete me. You. Complete. Me'.  Well, to the Jerry's out there, Project Love has taught me:  You don’t complete me, I complete me. 

I finished Project Love's 'Get Ready for Love' 30 day course with a fresh perspective of love and more importantly of myself.  The problem, I realised, was that for too many years i’d been listening to the ‘noise’; whether it was hollywood, society, friends or family.  I thought that being in a relationship was the ultimate measure of being a complete adult.  That being single would mean me constantly yearning for a man and always thinking that I was missing out on something.  With this mindset, I wasn’t ready for love, because I would always be choosing love because it’s better off than being alone.  That’s not love, that’s desperation and it’s settling.

Since completing the course, I’ve realised one thing:  I am already complete.  I love my life and I accept my flaws.  When I stopped and actually thought about my life decisions and the abundance of love I have from friends and family, I realised that I survive, enjoy and LOVE my life everyday without someone else needing to validate or complete it for me. 

By no means am I suggesting that the course has made me anti-relationships, I still can’t wait to meet a man who wants to experience life with me, but I know that I want to meet someone who feels the way I do about relationships.  I don’t want to play that role of trying to complete them. 

For those of you who are considering or are already part of 'Get Ready for Love', remember, YOU complete YOU.  Go out, remember to self-nourish, practice gratitude, go on a date with yourself and most importantly, love who you are. 

When you truly learn to love who you are, you will be complete.  

Laina X

30 books that could change the way you love and live

Most people have got at least one book that they can name that has had a profound impact on their life. That has inspired them to follow their dreams, make positive changes, approach their relationships in new positive ways or helped them to heal.

So we decided to ask our friends on FB and in the Love Tribe to tell us which books have really inspired them so that we could put together a list of books that can help to inspire you.

And here they are...
 

30 books that could change the way you live and love

1. The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
2. How to be a Free Range Human by Marianne Cantwell
3. Wild by Cheryl Strayed
4. What I know for sure by Oprah Winfrey
5. Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
6. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
7. Rising Strong by Brene Brown
8. Zen and the Art of Falling in Love by Brenda Shoshanna
9. Five regrets of the dying by Bronnie Ware
10. Money, a Love Story by Kate Northrup
11. The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod
12. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware
13. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
14. Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck
15. Women that Run with Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
16. The Dance of Anger by Harriet G Lerner
17. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
18. The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford
19. The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck
20. Linchipin by Seth Godin
21. Happiness by Design by Paul Dola
22. The 5 languages of love by Gary Chapman
23. Thrive by Arianna Huffington
24. Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
25. Essentialism by Greg McKeown
26. Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh
27. The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson
28. How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran
29. The Examined Life by Stephen Grosz
30. Vagina by Naomi Wolf

So take your pick and let us know which of these books have inspired you (or any others you think we should add here).

x Selina & Vicki

PODCAST SHOW | Top 10 Lessons Learnt from 28 Days of Self Love

We practiced self love for 28 days straight, along with nearly 1,000 other ladies all over the world (from London to Tel Aviv and Argentina to Arizona) as part of our campaign '28 Days of Love' (which launchd on Valentines Day this year) .

What we discovered really surprised us! One of the biggest learnings was how much our ego resists anything new and positive in our lives. Check out our podcast to find out more and hear our top 10 lessons learnt 

As always, we'd love to hear what you think (leave us a comment below / tweet us) and if you like it, share the love with the other wonderful women in your life

X Vicki and Selina

Why it’s good to sulk in the name of self-love

When it comes to self-love we can all too easily fall into the trap of thinking that it is about feeling happy and positive twenty four seven.

That that is somehow the goal.

To never have a bad day and always have a smile on your face.

But being positive and happy 100% of the time is unrealistic and not at all what self-love is about. 

Try being happy and only ever having positive thoughts and feelings and you will suffocate yourself.

Self-love is not about being happy all the time. It’s about being real - tweet it!

So when you’re having an off day and feeling crappy, the self-love way is not to try and run from it or cover it up (that will actually just make it worse). The self-love way is to lean into it, sit with whatever you’re feeling. Embrace it. Welcome it in.

Because as you embrace and honour how you’re feeling, you embrace and honour you. As you lean fully into how you are feeling, you lean more fully into you.

And that is what self-love is all about: accepting yourself fully, exactly as you are and exactly as you are feeling, in any given moment. 

But even more than that, really feeling your feelings gives you power. 

Because when you listen in to your feelings, without judging them or running from them, and instead ask 'Where is this coming from? What can I learn?' you will find that these feelings can act as powerful guides - showing you where you need to change something - either in your life or in your attitude. Or where you simply need to practice more self-love.

Using your negative feelings in this way is a key tool in creating and living a wholehearted life. 

It's also incredibly liberating. There is something deliciously rebellious about being allowed to sulk in the name of self-love.

 So next time you wake up on the wrong side of bed and feel in a funk. Don’t fight it. Lean into it. Wrap it up in love and discover what these feelings are here to teach you...

Here is an exercise to help you do it:

Step 1: Let yourself FEEL how you’re feeling

Take a moment to sit quietly with your eyes closed.Then say out loud how you're feeling:

'I feel... <insert feeling>'

Keep repeating it, gently, over and over and feel the weight of it lifting as you start to fully embrace how you're feeling without resisting it, judging it or making yourself feel bad for feeling it.

Step 2: What is triggering these feelings?

When you’ve got comfortable with how you’re feeling and have fully allowed yourself to be with it, then you can explore where these feelings are coming from, what they are showing you and what you can do about it.  

It might help to write things down as you do this.

Here are some questions you can use to help yourself identify why you are feeling like this, what has triggered this feeling and what you can do about it. 

·      Where is this all coming from?

·      Did something specific happen that made you feel this way?

·      Is there an area of your life that just isn’t making you happy?

·      Has someone hurt or upset you with something they have said or done (whether they meant to or not)? 

·      Are you the one making yourself unhappy with unrealistic expectations, by being too harsh on yourself, piling on pressure, comparing yourself to others, criticising yourself?

·      Are there things out of your control that are upsetting you?

Step 3: What can you do about it?

Once you’ve identified where these feelings are coming from, ask yourself what can you do about it? How can you deal with this situation in a positive and loving way?

·       Is it time to bring about a change in your life, big or small? What can you do to get that started?

·       Is there something missing from your life that you need to bring into it, like creativity, a daily spiritual practice or exercise? What can you do to get that into your life starting this week? 

·       Has someone hurt you and you need to have a conversation with them? How can you approach it with love and compassion?

·       Have you been hurting yourself by being too harsh on yourself, comparing yourself to others or putting unrealistic expectations on yourself? If so, how can you make it up to yourself? What messages of love, support and forgiveness can you offer yourself right now? 

·       Do you need to simply surrender and accept that there are things right now that you cannot change? In which case what can you do to give yourself the love, nourishment and support you need, as you go through this challenging time?

Once you have come up with a positive step you can take, all is left is to go and do it. 

It is a simple practice but so powerful and  as you get more into it you will find that you start to actually value your funky days and those negative emotions and  will stop seeing them so much as 'negative' and you'll start seeing them more as feelings that are here to guide you.

So give it a go next time you are feeling sad, upset or angry and let us know how it goes!

X Selina

50 ways to practice self-love

In 3 years of helping women get ready for love and make love last, we’ve found that success and confidence in love usually boils down to one thing: Self-love.

But while most of us know that self love is important, the challenge is knowing HOW the hell to actually do it!

So to celebrate the day of lurrrrve, we’ve compiled 50 ways that you can start flexing that self-muscle and make Valentine's Day all about YOU. Because you are really really awesome.

1. Buy yourself flowers
2. Make yourself a playlist that makes you happy
3. Take yourself off to an exhibition
4. Cook a delicious dinner just for you
5. Treat yourself to a bubble bath and a good book
6. Wear bright red lipstick for the day
7. Enjoy a Sunday lie in
8. Walk in the park listening to an audio book
9. 20 mins meditation snuggled up in bed
10. Write a love letter to yourself
11. Take a nap
12. Visit a place that inspires you
13. Pyjamas and trashy mags night
14. Walk along the canal
15. Write down 10 things you’re grateful for today
16. Take yourself out for tea and cake
17. Breakfast date with yourself
18. Make yourself a superfoods smoothie
19. Eat ice cream in bed
20. Dance round the flat
21. Sing in the shower
22. Watch a TED talk to feel inspired
23. Go to a yoga class
24. Cycle to visit a friend
25. Treat yourself to a massage
26. Catch a morning dance class before work
27. Learn to roller skate in the park with friends
28. Do your nails (or get them done)
29. Have a craft evening - make something for your home
30. Buy yourself a box of dark or raw chocolates
31. Listen to an uplifting podcast on your way to work
32. Start reading a new book
33. Watch your all time favourite film
34. A night playing or listening to live music
35. Make yourself breakfast in bed
36. Enjoy a rom-com and a pamper night
37. Try out a new recipe
38. Borrow someone’s dog for the day
39. Morning run
40. Buy yourself a gift for £10
41. Sunday papers in PJs
42. An afternoon taking photos of things you love
43. Evening without phones, laptops, ipads, TV - anything with a screen!
44. Have an hour longer in bed
45. Take a trip to a place you’ve always wanted to visit
46. Walk around all day like you’re Beyonce
47. Treat yourself to a solo date at the cinema
48. Do something that makes you laugh
49. Snuggle in with a cup of tea in bed
50. Buy yourself new lingerie

And with that, a very happy happy Valentine’s from us!

We’d love to see what you get up to - let us know on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter using the hashtag #28daysoflove2016

x Vicki and Selina

Self-love: a Mama’s Secret Weapon

Brene Brown said it: “You can only love your child as much as you love yourself”

Ouch.

Whether you’re a mother or not, that statement is a hard one to swallow.

Because most of us know that the love we want to give to our children is far more than the love we give to ourselves.

And it’s really no surprise. Because most of us have not been brought up to recognise the power and importance of self-love, even less so when we become parents.

As mothers we are hard-wired to believe that to be a 'good' mother we should think only of our children. That we shouldn’t need to practice self-love, that we shouldn’t need anything more than the fulfilment of being a mother. Our families come first and our role as mother should be all the fulfilment we need.

But that couldn't be further from the truth.

A mother who doesn’t feed herself up on love and who doesn’t practice powerful self-care, isn’t some kind of dream mum. She is a mother on a short fuse, a mother who will get easily frustrated and secretly resentful at the demands of her family, a mother who will burn out on a regular basis and have little to give at the end of the day, to herself, her partner or even her kids.

Neglecting her own needs so that she can focus on the needs of her children, sacrificing her own happiness so that she can be the ‘good’ mother, doesn’t work.

What works is learning to love yourself. To take that delicious and abundant love that you pour into your children and turn it in on yourself too.

Because a mother who looks after herself and her needs, who nourishes herself, who takes care of herself and who feeds herself with love, is a mother who is happy.

And a mother who is happy, creates a happy and healthy home for the rest of her family.

Self-love is this mother's power.

She knows that when she is practicing self-love and self-care, she is filled up and has plenty of time and energy to give to her family. She knows that when she is taking care of her own needs she is much better at recognising and taking care of the needs of those she loves. And above all, she knows that when she is practicing self-love, she is showing her children how to do it too. And that is the greatest gift you can give to any child, because it is the key to a happy and fulfilled life.

So practicing self-love and deep self-care when you are a mother, isn’t just a nice-to-have and it certainly isn’t self-indulgent. Quite the opposite. Learning to love yourself as a mother is the best thing you could possibly do for you and your family.

So how do you do it? How do you learn to love yourself?

Well, at Project Love, we get people started on what we call ‘Daily Acts of Love’: doing just one conscious, loving thing for yourself each day.

It could be making sure you feed yourself with a nourishing breakfast as well as the kids, treating yourself to a soak in the bath at the end of the day, buying yourself a bunch of flowers.

Just doing that one loving thing for yourself each day makes ALL the difference. Because with each act of love, you are giving yourself the message that ‘I matter, I care, I am loved’. And that alone can change everything.

It really is that simple and that powerful.

Which is why we have launched #28DaysofLove2016 - a free self-love campaign that gets you into the habit of doing one loving thing for yourself every day and discovering just what a difference it makes when you start to do that.

It kicks off this Sunday and we want to invite mums everywhere to join in.

So pop your email below, send this post around amongst the mamas that you know and let's start teaching our kids how self-loving is done!

X Selina

(Co-founder of Project Love and mama to little Sammy)

You can also grab your free Self Love for Busy Women audio workshop here.

We are hijacking Valentine's Day with #28daysoflove2016 - JOIN IN!

via GIPHY

Waaaaaaah we are so excited!

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and as ever we have hijacked it.

And this time we have gone ALL OUT and created something really special for you all.

Get ready for...

#28DaysofLove2016 is our brand new online campaign designed to get you, and all the amazing women you know, hooked on self-love by discovering how simple and how powerful it really is.

Because what we’ve found is that whilst we know that self-love is important, the challenge is knowing HOW the hell to do it. And that is what this campaign is all about. It will show you how to start exercising that self-love muscle so that it becomes a natural part of your day to day.

It’s super simple to use and really fun to do.

And it's free!

Check it out over here

We genuinely cannot wait to do this course ourselves and we hope you’ll join us!

All you have to do is pop your name below and you're ready to go!

x Selina and Vicki

Sunday is for simple pleasures

We'd like to invite you today to join us in a Sunday ritual that we've really got into recently:

Turning Sunday into a day for simple pleasures.

Simple pleasures are the little things in life that tend to have a timeless quality to them: buying fresh flowers, having breakfast in bed, a long soak in the bath, curling up on the sofa to read a book, baking a cake, a walk along the river, a yoga class, an afternoon of dancing around your living room to your favourite music...etc.

Treating ourselves to regular simple pleasures is a great way to keep that self-love muscle in shape.

And in the mad rush that life can so often become, making Sunday a day for simple pleasures literally has us stop and smell the roses. It brings us into the present, makes us grateful for the little things in life and has us make time for them.

Last Sunday we asked the ladies in the Love Tribe what simple pleasures they had been up to and here are just some of the answers we got...

"Treated myself to a facial and cooked a fave dinner - I feel very content and grateful for life today"

"Added chocolate chips to my pancakes"

"Sat in a cafe for a couple of hours and browsed online potential vacation spots"

"Run with friends this morning and massage this afternoon"

"I just got in from panorama bar and danced on my own for hours! Loving it"

And so today we want to invite you to join us in this new Sunday ritual too:

Take a little time out today and do something simple for yourself that gives you pleasure.

And then come and let us know over on the Love Tribe (our gorgeous FB group) what you got up to.

Ooh and share photos of you enjoying simple pleasures with us over on instagram @loveprojectlove using the hashtag #sundayisforsimplepleasures

And let's get everyone making Sunday a day for simple pleasures.Spread the love by sharing the image above on instagram, twitter or FB (and share a link to this post) and let's get everyone into it.

Let's make every Sunday a day for simple pleasures!

x Selina

P.S. The LOVE TRIBE is our private gang on FB where ladies like you gather to talk about love. If you're not yet a member, then just click here and ask to join and we'll welcome you in!
 

How to unleash your inner goddess to experience more freedom in your love life

This week, we're joined by Helen Johnson from Goddess Acumen, who gives us an insight into how we can unleash our inner goddess to experience more freedom in our love lives. And she's offering Project Lovers a special discount of 25% off her Goddess Discovery Sessions (just mention us when you book)

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When you imagine finding a partner, do you really know what you’re looking for? Do you sometimes feel stuck or frustrated by not having your needs met or by not even knowing what they are in the first place?! Goddess Acumen aims to help women to connect with different aspects of their femininity in order to find more clarity, balance, and focus.

Goddess Acumen is all about understanding, exploring and balancing the different aspects of our femininity through the mythology of six Greek Goddesses. Each of these Goddess energies resides within us and combines in a way that is unique to the individual. By helping each aspect to thrive, we thrive ourselves.

Each Goddess has a different style of loving, different desires, and a different way of relating to her man. So if our Goddess energies aren’t fixed then this means that the way we relate to men may also shift and change… (I’m pretty sure no one will be shocked by that idea!). The question is, which Goddess is ruling your love life right now and what does she need?

If you don’t know which Goddess is strongest in you, head here and take the quiz or meet the goddesses below and see which one speaks to your heart…

Athena

Are you looking for a meeting of minds? Someone who can match you and tackle the world head on - a comrade in arms? Someone who respects your independence and helps you to succeed in the world of work? Well, this is the Athena in you – the Goddess concerned with career, social progress, and the intellect. In her men, an Athena woman will seek out someone who can stimulate her mind, sometimes at the neglect of (ahem) stimulating her body. Finding balance will mean letting in some romance and sensuality… but never at the expense of a beautiful mind.

Aphrodite

Do you like to bring out both the macho and softer side of your man in equal measure? Do you lead with your heart? Do you thrive on the emotion and sensuality of relationships? Well helloooo Aphrodite - goddess of love, beauty, sexuality and pleasure. Your sensuality is intoxicating but your willingness to give away your heart can lead to pain when your lover backs away from building something more lasting. Finding balance for Aphrodite means to embrace the aspects of life that are less about seeking pleasure and more about constructing a solid partnership (Aphrodites out there probably want to yawn right about now!).

Demeter

Do you really look after and nurture the people you love? Deep down, are you looking for a provider? Is home and family where you truly feel at peace? This is the Demeter in you, the earth mother and nurturer. You make a great partner because you are so good at looking after people and making them feel your love. However, sometimes you can be more like a mother than a partner, or focus too much on your home and family at the expense of other aspects of life. Finding balance for Demeter means to allow yourself to step out of this caring role and embrace aspects of true partnership with your chosen man – cultivate a friendship and a sense of adventure outside of the home.

Artemis

Do you sometimes prefer solitude? Would you rather be traipsing through the wilderness with your man than getting to know his heart and mind? Do you want someone who matches your sense of independence and freedom? If you’re feeling the call of the wild, this is Artemis - the lone huntress, at one with nature, and sometimes disconnected from relationships and people. Woes betide any man in your life who does not treat you as an equal. In fact, you’re not really one for putting up with any vanity or nonsense and so will choose the most down-to-earth man you can find. Finding balance for Artemis means allowing yourself to soften a little and let people in.

Hera

Do you know how to get people to listen and do as you say? Are you always pushing those around you to be the best? Do you like men with influence and power? If you are answering yes then you probably already know that you are channelling the Queenly Goddess of power, influence and social prestige – Hera.

You want a man who can offer you the kind of social position and community that you crave. Time wasters and drifters need not apply. You want to see your family achieve and expand, creating a strong structure around you – with you at the heart of it. Finding balance for Hera means to take the focus off the community and structures surrounding you and instead to focus on relating to your partner from the heart.

Persephone

Are you looking for someone sensitive and aware? Is love for you something mystical, beyond just two individuals? Do you want someone who will help to expand your soul? Soul searching is the realm of Persephone, Goddess of the underworld, the mystical and the departed. Persephone’s sensitivity and depth can mean that you have problems with boundaries and you may find yourself getting too enmeshed with your partner.

You could also be attracted to broken souls and may subject yourself to a lot of pain as you try to bring out the best in a man who may simply not be capable. Finding balance for Persephone will mean to learn to separate both yourself and your feelings from those of your partner (or desired partner) – to encourage individuality within the relationship.

Tips for Goddesses in, or finding, Love

The Goddess energies within will shift and change over time, demanding attention and understanding and challenging you in your relationships – and some may always remain stronger than others! My tips for finding healthy Goddess intimacy are:

1. BALANCE. It’s been mentioned plenty of times throughout this post – the best way for love to thrive is to keep an eye on each of these energies and work towards finding balance.

2. COMMUNICATION. Figure out what energies are at play and then communicate your needs to your partner (and if you are alone, to yourself). Simple but effective…

3. GROWTH. Choose a partner who is curious and up for working at a relationship. As these energies shift and change, you want a partner who is up for the adventure!

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About Helen Johnson | Goddess Acumen

At Goddess Acumen, I work with women who are feeling stressed, stuck, out of balance, and maybe a little lost or uninspired, 

Many women who come to me want to make positive changes in their lives, are going through transitions, or wish to release old ‘stuff’ that no longer serves them. I help them to find a greater sense of freedom, purpose and balance.

Please get in touch if you would like to discover tapping – a remarkably effective technique for releasing negative thoughts, beliefs and emotions – and unleash your Inner Goddess. If you mention Project Love, I will give you 25% off a Goddess Discovery Session.

An alternative Valentine's Day - the Project Love way

Valentine's Day.  It's a bit like Marmite - you either love it or you hate it. If you're in a relationship, it can be a wonderful time to spoil the one you love or it can feel a little cheesy / OTT to celebrate it. And if you're single and wishing you weren't, it can be a painful reminder of the big relationship-shaped hole in your life and the whole day is spent trying to pretend like it's not happening.

So to be honest, over at Project Love we're not actually big fans of the traditional Valentine's Day.

We do it a little differently...

For us it's THE DAY OF LOVE: A day to celebrate love in all its forms.

In the English language, there is only one word to describe love, but the Greeks had 7 different words for love: romantic love and erotic love (eros), love for family (storge), deep friendship (philia), playful affectionate love (ludus), love for everyone (agape), long-standing love (pragma) and love for self (philautia).

So this Valentine’s Day we want to invite you to join us in ditching the usual focus on romantic love and instead celebrate all forms of love.

Above all, self-love.

Do something this Saturday for you - treat yourself with love.

Buy yourself flowers, take yourself out for brunch at your favourite cafe, buy yourself a little gift, treat yourself to a massage, take yourself off to an art gallery or snuggle in and have a date in with yourself and your favourite film.

Last year Selina, who was single at the time, really embraced this new approach to Valentine's Day. She sent me this message with a photo of a Mexican heart necklace that she bought for herself:

"I am totally living in love today, taking actions from the heart - wait till you see the Valentine’s day gift I got myself AND I booked in a massage for next week. Just waiting for a delicious toasted cake in Brixton market!"

So join us and make Valentine's Day YOUR DAY OF LOVE too and let us know what you get up to by leaving a comment below, share photos with us on Instagram or tweet us!

x Vicki and Selina

P.S. if you haven’t watched it already check out the video interview which Selina did with the fabulous Addictive Daughter on '3 steps to transform your love life’ - she tells the story of her Valentine’s Day ‘Day of Love’ last year and what all that self-loving led to…..!

How to change your life in just 2 minutes

Research shows that most of what we reveal about ourselves comes from our body language. We give clues to what we think and feel through our body postures, use of space, facial expressions and eye movement. And this affects how others see us and it influences their judgement of us. Sometimes, what we communicate is pretty accurate to what we're feeling and the messages we want to give off.

But sometimes it's not accurate and we give off mixed messages. So take a second to stop reading this and just check-in with your body. Maybe you're hunching at your desk, or maybe you're folding your arms on your phone. Whatever you're doing, ask yourself whether this is the kind of message you want to give off? Do you look open / closed? Welcoming / stand-offish? Worried / relaxed?

So we convey what we think and feel through our body language, but this is nothing new. What's interesting is that our body language can affect how we think and feel, leading to changes in our brain chemistry. So it goes both ways. For instance, we smile because we're happy but it's possible to be happy because we're smiling. Even if we don't feel like it, just by faking a smile tells the brain that we're happy.

Amy Cuddy reveals some incredible research findings in this moving TED talk. Her line of study is in power dynamics and she found that tiny tweaks in body position can lead to hormonal changes which influence confidence and our response to stress. So knowing this, we can use our body to configure our brain to be more confident and less stress reactive. And all it takes is two minutes.

So start being mindful of how you use your body and notice what signals you're giving off. Because if you're feeling ready for love then you need to switch on your green light and show you're available. The simplest way to do this is by smiling and opening up your body by relaxing the shoulders and holding your head high. And this isn't just limited to the usual bars / clubs where you think you might meet people. You can do this anywhere - walking down the street, the office, the gym, shopping, on the tube... the list goes on. So the next time you're in a public space and there's some eye candy there, show them you're available. Practice on your journey home from work tonight and have some fun with it - you never know who you might meet...

And if you already have a hot date lined up and you're nervous, then try the Wonder Woman pose for 2 minutes before you go - in the loo / at your desk (not on the date itself, obvs). It might feel ridiculous at first but if you fake it, fake it and fake it then one day you'll become it. 

V x

The Power of Vulnerability

We are huge HUGE fans of Brene Brown. Her work has a way of opening you up and reminding you of what it is to really feel alive and human in a way that has long-lasting effects. Just watch this 20 minute TED Talk and see what it does to you.

Let us know below how it made you feel by leaving a comment for us below.